My Bright Darkness
by Sonizuen
Summary: Mail, a blind boy, captive of the darkness, who is suffering there... Being abused by his brother and having no one to love him. Until a day he meets an 'angel', who comes with the colors of love... Needs Beta
1. Peaceful, Colorful

**A/N: **My first story... This fic. is an AU story that Mail is a blind boy who gets abused by his big brother and Mihael is a mafia boss (as usual) who meets Mail and falls for him. I hope you'll like this (:

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**MAIL'S POV**

I knew today was a sunny day. I heard it from the radio. I felt the sun's warmness on my skin.

But I couldn't see the sun. I couldn't see the beauty of the flowers I grew in my room. I tried, like an idiot, opened my eyes and stare around. But only darkness was there. And it was scaring me. It was like a curse. I felt like a little child who was afraid of the monster under his bed but has no light.

Has no one to say there's nothing to be afraid of…

I felt hot tears were rolling down from my cheeks.

I wanted to see. I wanted to see the colors of the nature. Wanted to see the color of my hair that my big brother told me it was abnormal.

I wanted to see, and then die. I could give my soul for that pleasure.

But no hope, doctors said years ago. No hope to see again. I forgot all the colors, all the beauties since I was four. And to top of it all, my blindless was causing a big vulnerability for me to my abuser brother.

Sighing, I wiped away the tears. Good thing was my ability of living despite the darkness swallowing the world. I had learned how to walk around in the rooms. I would touch the walls or furniture for walking. Right now, I was standing near the window, best corner of my room. This place would smell wonderful because of my flowers.

Stepping carefully, I walked back to my bed which I felt because of my knee rubbing and lied on it.

Lying on my back, I tried to think about nice things. Like feeling the cats' hairy body under my palm or a chocolate's taste… Hearing the violin's sound or smelling my flowers… I could do them. And they were all I had.

I drifted off the sleep while the sun was giving me its' warmness. My train of thought disappeared which was including various self-pitying thinkings.

Dreamless, empty sleeps... First times, I always hoped maybe I could see the dream waterfall of colors. But, like my imagination also became blind with me, only sounds were echoing in my mind while I was sleeping.

After a while I jumped with a sudden noise and sat on the bed half sleepy . Door of my room had been opened and I felt the panic which was almost shattering my heart when I realized it was my big brother, Andrew.

I could hear he was walking near me and I felt my eyes were burning to make the tears flow. But I fought for a pride which was already so low.

"Good morning, Mail," a sickening sound called, "Today it's a very beautiful day, isn't it? If you could see, you'd agree with me about the butterflies' beauty..." He stroke my hair mockingly. His disturbing touch trembled me.

Then he moved away from my bedside and I heard his footsteps wandering away to the spot where I had my flowers.

"Why do you keep these ugly flowers in your room, Mail? I still can't believe you paid for them with your low money, but your interest in flowers is even more stupid." He stopped and I had a fear for my dear flowers. They were my only friends, my only belongings. I feared that he could hurt my flowers.

"You can not _see them_, Mail…"

I started to shake. I squeezed my fists and tried to hold back the tears. He was doing this everyday, having fun with my blindness, hurting me, mocking me, but I never get used to these. It hurt every time.

He walked near me and held my hair in a painful way. I whimpered in pain and tried to defense myself with my arms.

"You are so quiet, what now, a _mute_?" he said.

Then he kissed me. I felt the panic which was growing in my chest and tears were freely rolling down from my cheeks, now.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't take it.

Something made me push him with my all strength. I pushed him so hard that it was even painful for my palms. I felt he fell backwards and cursed. I didn't know what to do. I panicked again, I knew there was no way to escape and he was so angry now.

"I'm sorry!" I cried out suddenly. Now I was shaking so bad in an uncontrollable way.

"You are sorry, huh?" he said, he sounded so dangerous and that scared me even more. "**You better to be!**"

Then I heard the crashing sound from the window. Then I realized, he was destroying my flowers, breaking the flowerpots.

I screamed.

"Andrew! Andrew, stop! Please..." I sounded so broken, so lost, so sorry, but he didn't stop. "I'm begging you Andrew, don't hurt them, _please_!"

"When I'll be done with these fucking flowers, it'll be your turn, bastard!" he shouted with a voice really angry.

I cried my heart out and begged him to stop.

"Please, Andrew, they're my only belongings... I don't have anything else! Stop!" My sound was shaky with my sobs. "Please, stop!"

Then his rough hand slapped right into my face. With sudden pain I wasn't prepared and I was vulnerable to take, I whimpered patheticly and fell from the bed. I hit my head with a loud noise to the floor. It hurt so much and I cried more with the pain.

He pulled me to the bed again to start to kiss me again.

"Shut up!" he said angrily for my I continuing loud sobs.

Then he bit me from my face, my shoulders, my neck and I screamed with each bite I wasn't able to estimate where it was coming to. He took my clothes off roughly and threw them. Then he grabbed my boxer.

"No!" I cried out with humiliating pain. I held my boxer with all my strength and tried to avoid him to take it off. But he was stronger. I was weak.

He slapped me hard a few times and my hands loosened. He took off the last thing I was wearing and I was left completely naked now.

I was crying and trembling but couldn't do anything for the coming rape. He turned me round and now I was facing the sheets. I pulled the sheets and squeezed them.

_Peaceful…_

He entered me with no preparation. I screamed.

_Colorful…_

"Please, Andrew! Stop this!"

_There was a sun madden by love. Under the sun, the world had all the colors. There were cats with soft hairy bodies. There were also flowers which were beautiful._

_And an angel that mom told me it is my guardian angel._

"ANDREW!" I sobbed. "Why? W-why you h-hurt me? What have I done? I… I am your b-_brother_…"

After the minutes of that deep agony, he came inside me and whimpered with pain.

He stood quickly and without saying a word and he left the room. I stayed there, naked, crying. I felt the blood and the semen.

I crawled and fell from the bed. I continued to crawl and stopped when I felt the broken flowerpots digging into my skin. I didn't care about the pain and blood. I reached the sand and felt the root of one of my flowers. I cried more and whimpered. "I… I-I'm s-so sorry!" It was crushed badly. I kissed it so many times. Then I reached the others. I kissed all of them. My hands were bleeding on them. I apologized so many times.

I would never smell them again. I would never…

My head fell to the floor.

_Peaceful… Colorful…_

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**a/n: **Next chapter will be from Mihael's POV. I know story has grammar mistakes, I'm sorry.

Please Review...


	2. Those Eyes

**A/N: **Chapter 2! A day after. CatatonicVanity, Thank you for my first review ever!

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**MELLO'S POV**

Today was a sunny day. It was shining through the window and illuminating the room. I closed the curtains. No need to light. This is not to be confused with being emo. It was just so bright.

I wore my usual clothes which were black tight pants and a black vest. I eyed myself at mirror. What were they calling this? Oh, yeah, _sexy_…

I brushed my hair which was golden and long. Also, sexy… Narrowing my eyes and turning my head to side, I posed to myself.

I took my gun, wore my rosary and left my flat. It was a low living place for a mafia boss but I really wasn't caring about a house.

Outside, my bike was shining with its' beauty. Combined with me…

When I rode it to the warehouse of mafia, I saw the streets flowing from my view. I didn't pay attention so much, there was nothing worth to see…

That life outside was worthless… I liked my life. Being a mafia boss and having a big control were my precious features.

After I arrived the warehouse, one of my men, Dan ran near me without a second and looked at me with anxiety. He was afraid of me like hell such as others but today he was looking like he pissed himself.

"What's the problem, Dan?" I said without looking at him. I took a bar of chocolate from the cupboard –every place those belong to our mafia had chocolate somewhere for me- and opened it with my teeth.

I saw my other men who were trying to hide and watch us at stairs and around the hall. They must had chose Dan –silliest of the mafia- to tell me some bad news. I understood their fear because once, when a bad new about loosing some expensive narcotics was told me by Josh, I vent my anger on him. Then, narcotics had been found at the depot but it was too late for traumatized Josh.

"B-boss…" he stammered. Then he took a deep breath. "Boss… Jeff Bryson had sent us a message. He wants the money and the narcotics back with extra payment! Message also says if we won't have an agreement with him, he'll destroy our lives! He sent the message by e-mail but our hackers blocked his communication to the networks so he can't learn our location."

I stopped with my mouth open to prepare to bite the chocolate. I looked at Dan who was trembling. Then I laughed.

Dan also laughed nervously but then he asked with a low voice, "Boss?"

"That motherfucker thinks he can destroy our lives, huh?" I said, still laughing. "He probably has the same amount of money with a homeless because of us." Then I looked at Dan, whose face was white but trying to smile with a bad attempt. "_Fuck him_!"

Than I turned around and started to climb the stairs. My men went out from where they hid and acted like they were walking. I didn't care but thought about how bad cowardice would be in mafia. Then I thought myself and decided they were right to be scared.

When I arrived my room at warehouse, I bit my last bit of chocolate and sat on my sofa.

"Jeff Bryson…" I murmured while opening a new bar. "You really wanna die, don't you?"

Then I slowly ate my bar. "I am number one…"

I was.

Near, that freaked bitch, he may had better grades at Wammy's but in reality, if we forget about the lessons, he was a big zero.

Not a talent at art or sports, can't fight, has no personality, no girls or boys around to love him. Just a shell which only can play with toys with his Peter Pan Syndrome and finish one-colored puzzles. One-colored fucking puzzles!

Being L was nothing for me. I was not justice –wasn't it obvious?-

And now, that Near bitch was waiting for L's death to be him at the orphanage while I was fucking enjoying my life.

I was talented. I almost could do every sports and I was a good actor too. –If you are in mafia, you should learn how to lie with all your words and body language- I could fight like a death monster. I was also super-sexy that I could get someone to fuck for every night. Girls with big boobs or boys with cute asses… None of them was love, they were just fuckable but I didn't care. There was no love in that filthy world.

Finally decided I was getting bored at the warehouse, I left there for going back to home.

I climbed on my bike and sighed. Everything was perfect for me, isn't it? But like something was missing. Its deficiency was coming along with bad moods, like the boredom I felt.

Maybe I was just fucking driveling.

When I arrived home, I left my bike and decided to walk around for fresh my mind. Girls and some of the boys were looking at me with lust and older people were looking at me with curiosity.

I walked the streets. I patted the cats' heads and winked to the guys and girls I found hot. Maybe I could take one of them home for a funny night.

While I was walking near a park which only had a few seats but a big meadow with trees and flowers, I saw something on grasses, near a big tree.

I turned my heart and realized that something was a boy.

My heart felt like it was crushing.

I pitied and felt sorry for the boy at the first sight. Pity. It was a stranger word for me but…

But when I looked at his scattered red hair –it was so red that makes you think if it was dyed-, his perfect face which had closed eyes with long red eyelashes, a little nose and well-shaped lips, I felt like I was looking at an angel. I stepped near him unconsciously. He had a few light freckles on his nose. He was breathing slowly and deeply by his parted lips.

His clothes were wrinkled and dirty but they couldn't spoil the beauty of the boy. He seemed so fragile and delicate with his legs pulled to his chest and tiny arms around them.

I bended over him and looked at his face again which was perfect, like a little baby's. Then I put a hand on his shoulder and whispered gently but loudly enough to make him wake.

"Are you okay?"

I saw he was waking slowly. He moved his fingers, wrinkled his nose and shook his shoulders. After a second, he panicked and touched the ground madly, straightened out but his eyes were still closed. He murmured something, his voice was so tiny and soft that I couldn't understand a word of it.

"Hey, are you okay?" I repeated.

"I… I am sorry…" he said with that voice again.

"What are you sorry for?" I asked and held his shoulders.

Then he froze. He turned his head and opened his eyes. Those eyes…

I found myself in an eternal sky without any clouds. Then, in a ship in the middle of the ocean… Everything beautiful was painted blue, like his eyes. Even the chocolate was blue.

Then I realized he wasn't looking into my eyes. He was looking somewhere above my shoulder. I turned my heart but saw nothing but the clouds.

I turned my head back to him. "What are you looking at?"

"I am so sorry!"

He slipped out from my arms and stood a little shaky. I couldn't see his face and stood after him. He stumbled and went away from me, to the road.

There was a car coming fast but he didn't stop. He was walking in a weird way to the road and I saw his shoulders were trembling.

When I realized, fucking car could crash him, I ran and caught his shoulder, pulled him to my chest. He screamed and then, when the car passed near us with its' loud noise, he froze again. He was shaking badly and looking empty at my vest. His eyes were teary and a tear way rolling down from his cheek.

I felt angry but tried to kept my voice still and asked, "Didn't you see the car coming?"

He trembled and more tears came. "I didn't…"

He sounded so broken that my heart tore into pieces.

When I understood he couldn't see, like I was knowing him for years, I had a big pain suddenly and wanted to cry.

I embraced him. I felt his fragile forms' warmness and softness. I wanted to tell him being blind was not so bad. Wanted to tell him I would protect him. I wasn't even knowing him but I wanted to love him, deeply.

_Love_ him.

Love?

"A-Are you… Are you my_ guardian angel_?"


	3. Guardian Angel

**A/N: **New chapter! I upload fast, don't I?

This chapter is setted after the abuse. In this chapter, you can also read Mihael and Mail's meeting by Mail's POV.

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**MAIL'S POV**

I wanted my flowers to have a grave. But Andrew said they were already in the garbage can. That was painful...

Andrew gave me some biscuits for dinner when I went to the kitchen. They were the only things I could eat today.

Then I went back to my room. Because Andrew was drinking and he was even rougher when he was drunk.

When I touched my bed, I laid on it quickly. It was still bloody and wet. The smell of my blood made me vomit near the bedside.

I tried to sleep but my mind was making me remember the rapes and the blindness. I realized I was crying again.

I wanted to die. I wanted to kill myself and end everything. But I even couldn't find a way to kill myself.

I sighed.

_Peaceful…_

"Mail, come here!" The most beautiful woman in the world said.

I opened my eyes and…

_Colorful…_

I saw.

I saw my mother who was sitting with my father on a sofa. They had cats on their laps. Andrew was also there, he was also calling me but not with anger, disgust or lust in his voice.

_There was a sun madden by love. Under the sun, the world had all the colors. There were cats with soft hairy bodies. There were also flowers which were beautiful._

I had a family. A family with love…

I had the colors. Colors of love…

I had the Love…

_And an angel that mom told me it is my guardian angel._

I had the _**Love**_…

Then I saw the reality.

Mom was dead. Dad was dead. Brother was hating me, hurting me. I had no colors like I had no love.

Door of my room opened. I knew it was Andrew. I knew what he was wanting, I knew he was drunk.

But I lied there still; tears were silently rolling down from my cheeks.

I was already shattered.

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I woke up with the warmness of the sun. I moved slowly and straightened up. A harsh pain was there but I could stand.

I walked carefully and with the help of the walls, I left my room and went to the bathroom. I closed the door and washed myself.

I walked the same way back carefully and silently. I didn't want Andrew to wake up.

My clothes were under my bed. I only had a few pants and t-shirts. I would wash them by myself in the sink but almost all of them were smelling bad.

I wore the cleanest ones and with slow and silent steps, I left the room again. I arrived the flat's door and thought about what was I doing there.

I opened the door and stepped outside.

I was afraid again. I thought Andrew was there, right behind me. And then remembered what he told me about streets once.

"_You are not allowed to go outside, Mail. If you'll go away from the flat, I will find you and beat you the way back home. And at home, I'll do worse, got it? Streets are also dangerous, even so much more dangerous for you, who is blind."_

I help my breath and stepped outside. Then I closed the door.

My heart was beating so fast now. _What am I doing? What am I doing!?_

I walked slowly. At stairs, I walked with extra carefulness. But I fell once.

I still had the pain of the rape and it was making the walking even more painful.

When I was on the street, I smiled. I didn't feel comfortable with being outside but fresh air was so peaceful…

Then a fear of Andrew finding me made me walk. I walked carefully but fast. I was checking the floor with my foot –I only had socks on them- and stepping. I heard some people getting away from my way. And I heard a girl saying "Poor thing," behind me.

I realized I wouldn't find the way back home by myself again because I was walking for a long time. I wished I kept the directions in my mind.

I knew which street I was living with the apartment's name and the number. I would ask people but a sound inside told me I wouldn't be back there even I could die on the streets. Being starving would be much better than being raped.

A long while after I found some meadow. I felt the grasses under my wounded feet. And the smell was perfect.

I walked and struck to a tree. I sat under it.

Touching the grasses, I realized it felt nice like touching my flowers. I heard some children laughing, the cars passing and birds singing. I smiled to myself.

Then my body went limp. I felt sleepy.

I laid under the tree. I pulled my legs to my chest and hugged them.

I slept there. And it was the first peaceful sleeping I had in many years.

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_"Are you okay?"_

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I woke slowly. What was happening?

Where was I?

Then I remembered I slept under a tree after walking the streets. I panicked. Streets were dangerous for me who was blind. Weren't they?

I tried to raise my body. I murmured "I am sorry," to the one who woke me up. My voice was so weak.

He was probably angry with me to sleep there.

"Hey, are you okay?" That voice asked me again. He sounded kind. Why would _someone_ be kind to _someone like me_?

"I… I am sorry…" I said again . I wanted to go away. I didn't want to be in a trouble. His sound was so beautiful and gentle but I wouldn't trust him. I was someone easy to take advantage of. I was blind and weak.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked. And I felt his insistent and possessive hands on my shoulders.

I stopped moving. That was… _So wonderful._

Being held with… care?

I opened my eyes. I couldn't see him but felt like my darkness had a bright spot for a moment.

"What are you looking at?"

I had a shame for my blindness. I felt my eyes become teary.

"I am so sorry!"

I straightened up and stood.

I wanted to walk away. Just go away…

_What was that?_

I walked without thinking. My mind was fuzzy.

Then, all suddenly I felt myself falling. I screamed and then, found myself in a nice warmness.

My heart was beating so fast. A tear was rolling down from my cheek.

I heard a car's loud passing.

"Didn't you see the car coming?" He asked.

The one who saved me.

_And an angel that mom told me it is my guardian angel..._

Was mom right about that I had a guardian angel?

Why he was coming into my life this late, then?

"I didn't." I said. How wouldn't he understand I was blind? I was looking out of focus, he had saved me from an accident I couldn't see coming.

Wasn't it obvious?

He hugged me. _He understood._

Oh, that warmness, that sacred feeling…

A feeling like finding the best color…

Why would a stranger embrace someone like me who was filthy and dirty?

I knew I found _him._

"A-Are you… Are you my guardian angel?"

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**Please Review**


	4. Rosary

**A/N: **New chapter. Both Matt's and Mello's POVs...

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**MELLO'S POV**

What was happening to me? Why I wanted to protect him, embrace him?

Why I wanted to love him? Did I even know the meaning of that?

And, _Guardian angel? _

He asked me the question with seriousness. I looked at his face. His teary eyes were shining with a hope.

I wouldn't say no. If I would, I would go to the Hell. I would burn for an eternity because of breaking that hope.

"Yes, I can be."

What was I saying? This was deceiving him! I would be only a demon. I was going to burn because of lying!

And he smiled.

He smiled and then…

I _fell in love_ for the first time. I knew this. _I felt._

My heart ached in a way it never had. My body wanted to pull him and touch him. No, not in a sexual way… I wanted to stroke his hair, kiss his face, hold his hand and make him smile again. That wonderful and cute smile which made me realize the love for the first time…

Me, who was refusing love, loved someone so deeply just in seconds.

He _was_ the angel.

"You are… so late." He whispered and cuddled me more. He buried his head to my chest. Like he was really cuddling an angel…

I closed my eyes. This was… _sacred._

"Come with me," I said with a sudden decision. I wanted to know him. I held his hand and walked to the said park he was lying on its grass minutes ago. He, who was checking the floor before stepping held my hand tightly. Then I realized he was only wearing socks to his feet. I was surprised to see that his clothes were a dirty, too. Was he homeless? Thought of it made my heart feel like a knife was stabbed.

I pulled him behind a tree and sat. I pulled his hand a little for him to sit down.

He was happy, I could say that. He was smiling. But his eyes had no focus and that was painful to see.

He sat near me and giggled. His voice made me want to pull him closer to myself.

"_I found you_…" He whispered happily. "I am finally with you…" Then he giggled again. I had never seen someone that happy before and that made me smile.

I didn't want to pity him but I couldn't help. His being that much happy for meeting 'his guardian angel' showed that he was lonely. That was so obvious. Otherwise, why would he come after someone who he believes is an angel? I would be a rapist or a killer…

"What's your name?" I asked him.

He answered my question with an hesitant which could clearly be seen. "My name is… Matt…" He said Matt like the name was an idea.

"Are you sure?" I asked. He rubbed his hands nervously.

"My real name is Mail. _Mail Jeevas_. But you can call me… Matt…"

Mail… Interesting… But beautiful.

"I also have a nickname. It's Mello. My real name is Mihael Keehl." I told him. Mello was given to me at Wammy's. Also, I was using that nickname at mafia, too. Expect the Wammy's and my old family, Mail was the first to know my real name now.

He smiled. "Mihael Keehl," he repeated, "it's a beautiful name…"

"Thank you. Yours is also beautiful like you."

He seemed surprised. He was cute like this. His mouth made a little "o" I wanted to kiss there. His eyes shone –which were staring at my hair- and he spoke with his thin voice.

"You think I am beautiful?"

"Of course I do! You are the most beautiful thing in the world I've seen!"

_Could I say nice things?_

His eyes filled with tears and an acrid smile appeared on his face.

"Do you… Have a family?" I asked. I looked at his face to catch a feeling. He seemed sad for a moment.

"I only have a… brother. My parents died at the car accident I lost my colors."

_I lost my colors…_

Was blindness loosing the colors for him?

I was also happy to learn he had someone to take care of him, a brother. He wasn't homeless, then.

"My parents are also dead," I said, "My mother died when she was giving birth for my younger sister. Two years later, both my father and sister died when our house burned. I could escape, but they…" I sighed and plucked grasses. "I felt a deep regret for being not able to save them that night. Then, I realized that was not my mistake… I grew in an orphanage. Wammy's House…" Then I turned to him to ask if he knew who L was.

What made me stop were the tears I saw on his face.

"Mail?" I whispered. "Why…"

"I am sorry!" He wiped away the tears.

I embraced him and stroke his soft hair. Did he pity me? "Don't feel sorry for me, Mail. Or Matt… I love my life. I am a mafia boss."

He stopped. "Mafia?"

"Yes, mafia…" I smiled. "Do you know what it is?"

"They kill people for money?" He was a little scared now.

I laughed and cuddled him tighter. "Only if we need to. Selling narcotics and guns, having money with threats… But don't worry, I don't hurt innocent people. And I would never hurt you…"

He sighed and closed his un-focusing eyes. His head was still on my chest.

"Do you believe in god, Mihael?" he asked with a tiny voice after a while.

I was surprised to his question.

"Yes. I do. I'm Catholic." I looked at him. "Don't you?"

"I don't know…" he murmured. "But I believe in angels. When I was little, my mom told me there's an angel who is my guardian angel. I don't remember my mother's face or voice. I only remember that sentence… That angel is you."

I kissed his head. He trembled and cuddled me. "I dreamt you every time I was sad or hopeless…"

Now, I knew he was lonely. He had believed an angel his mother told him long time ago. He dreamt that angel when he was having hard times.

But, didn't he say he had a brother?

"Mail…" I said. He raised his head.

"How's your brother? What's his name?"

He turned his head again and I couldn't see his reaction.

"It's not important, Mello. Just… prove me you're real."

I smiled and touched his face softly. "You're feeling me, Mail. And you're also hearing my voice."

Then I held him from his shoulders. He faced me.

His face, which was a part of heaven, was so close to mines.

Then I _kissed_ him.

He froze for a moment. I deepened the kiss for any reaction and he trembled with a smile.

His lips were so soft that I wanted to push myself harder on them. I licked his lips and entered his mouth. He was clearly surprised. I was sure he didn't know what was French Kiss. But when I licked everywhere I could reach in his mouth, he moaned.

When we parted away, he was breathing deeply. His lips and hands were trembling, he was smiling and then he started to laugh. I also laughed with him.

I knew we both had found love for the first time.

**MAIL'S POV**

I knew my life had changed after we met, spoke and kissed with _My Guardian Angel Mihael._

They all took a short time. But I would sacrifice my whole life for that time.

That kiss was something words wouldn't be enough to explain.

And I was finally happy. That was so strange for me. I forgot Andrew, I forgot blindness, there was just my angel, Mihael, or Mello, who finally found me.

"Mail, how did you come here, to the park?" Mello asked. I was lying on his chest.

"I followed the pavements and found here." I said. I wasn't glad of the topic. I didn't want to remember about escaping or think about Andrew's anger.

"Why didn't you come here with your brother?"

I tried hard not to show any reaction. "He was… busy."

He stroke my hair again. Oh, how I loved this feeling of his fingers in my hair.

"Does your brother care about you, Mail?"

That question hurt my heart. A caring brother. Andrew loving me…

"He_ does_. I just didn't tell him I was going out."

He sighed. "Do you know your address?"

That topic was really disturbing me. I nodded.

"Then I can accompany you to go there, okay?" he asked.

I didn't want him to come with me, meet with my brother. I didn't want him to take me home.

"Th…Thanks…" I whispered.

"Are you okay, Matt?"

"I am. I just have a headache…"

"Oh."

Then he massaged my forehead; his touches were so calming.

"Why didn't you wear shoes?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I forgot. But I am okay."

We stayed silent for a few minutes. Then I asked the question which was in my mind. "We just met but... I have feelings for you. You're my angel and... Mello, is loving a boy okay for you? I love you. I just met you but I really do! You are my angel… But, do you… Do you also…"

That was my first love. And I had no problem with my love's being male. But maybe he would find this strange...

He embraced me and kissed my cheeks, my nose and forehead. I smiled with happiness.

"I love you, Mail. Genders that we can not choose also can not avoid the love we feel. This must be that 'love at the first sigh' thing... Or maybe because of I am your _guardian angel_."

"Yes…" I whispered.

Then I fell asleep.

**MELLO'S POV**

He slept on my lap.

I watched his beautiful face about an hour.

_Your brother is not nice to you, is he? You are alone, Mail. Like me, you are lonely..._

Then I also slept.

* * *

When I woke up, I had a feeling like I had slept for years. Mail was still on my lap, his position was changed but he was still sleeping. I threw the leaf which was on his chest.

I looked around. It was going to get dark. I should had take Matt to his house.

I yawned and woke him by poking his shoulder gently.

He opened his gorgeous blue eyes. He wasn't directly staring at me again and that broke my heart. "Mello?"

"Mail, let me carry you to your house. It's getting late."

He was clearly upset. "It's been that much?"

"Yes," I whispered and helped him straighten up.

"Tell me your address," I said while carrying him like a bride. He was so light. He was probably eating irregular.

He told me his address with an upset tone in his voice. I sighed, I was also upset to leaving him.

"Mail, we will meet again. I will learn your house so I can take you again. I will wait you tomorrow. When you'll be outside, we can have fun. We can eat outside, whatever you want, okay?"

He nodded but his reaction went even worse.

"I promise, Mail…" I said. Then with an idea, I slowly put him down and took out my rosary.

I took Matt's hand and made him touch the rosary. "Here, Mail, can you feel this? This is a rosary. It's mine…"

He touched it with curiosity. "Can you also feel the cross?" He touched the cross and nodded.

"I promised you, Mail. I'll wait for you. I love you so much." Then I took the rosary and made him wear it. "It'll be yours for you to trust me and remember me…"

He touched the rosary and smiled. I made him put the rosary under his t-shirt.

Then I carried him. He stayed silent all the way. I found the ways to his street and looked around for finding his apartment, too. Than I saw a yellow apartment, with the same number Matt had told me.

When we arrived near his house, I told him that we are arrived and gently put him down.

Then I saw someone with brown hair near the apartment's door, leaning to the wall. He was looking directly at us. I stared at him to be sure. Then I understood who he was.

He came near us and smiled to me. I didn't like him. "Hello," he said with that fake smile.

Then he turned to Mail. "Mail. Where were you? I was so worried."

From the first moment he heard him, Mail seemed disturbed. "I am sorry…" he whispered with a strange voice. A voice with… Fear?

"I was just about to call the police. But no problem since you're okay." He faked a smile a looked at me, "I think you helped him to come back here. Thank you for helping my little brother."

I nodded and turned to Matt. "Then, see you later, Mail." I said, touched his arm. He raised his head and nodded. He smiled but it wasn't an honest smile.

"So, let's get inside, Mail. Your meal is still waiting for you." His brother grabbed Mail's arm and they walked away. I watched them till they entered the apartment.

I turned my back and walked with a bad feeling inside me.

**MAIL'S POV**

I started to tremble with fear when we entered the apartment. My guardian angel was far away right now. I was undefended again...

Andrew pulled me roughly and I fell. "Faster, you bastard! I'll show you! Show you if you can go out again!"

I tried hard not to but I started to cry with his threads. "Please, Andrew, I did nothing wrong!"

He slapped me and I fell. It hurt so much.

"I WILL DECIDE WHAT IS WRONG!**"**

He climbed the stairs while he was pulling me behind him careless. I was crawling on the stairs, bruising my arms and knees with the unforgiving floor's rigidity.

When we arrived near the flat's door he pushed me to the floor. I fell and my nose hit with the floor. I felt the blood and cried harder.

Andrew opened the door and dragged me inside.

He kicked me and closed the door behind with a loud noise.

"You fucking fag! Who do you think you are!"

He grabbed my hair and pulled me. I screamed with the pain and tried to crawl but he was fast. He dragged me to my room and threw me to the floor again. With dizziness of pain, I whimpered. I was so miserable.

He tore my t-shirt harshly and stopped suddenly.

"What is this, you fucking bullshit?"

_Rosary…_

I held it with all my power.

"That fag gave this to you, didn't he?" he asked mockingly.

"You can't call him fag!" I cried out and raised my body.

Then a fist met with my face and I fell back down. I whimpered in pain.

He took out the rosary. "Do you want to be fucked with this?" I heard he threw it.

Then he slapped me again. "Will you leave home again, fucker?"

He started to touch my chest. I tried to get away but he held my shoulder hard. Unlike the hours I spent with Mello, I felt dirty again.

He bended over to lick me. He made his way to my nipple. He bit my nipple and I screamed in agony. Blood from my nose filled my mouth and I retched.

"Andrew!"

"Will you leave again?" He cried out.

"No! No, I won't!"

He took off my pants and boxer. I heard he was zipping his pants over.

"Andrew! I won't go out again! Stop! Please!"

He entered me and I screamed.

He started to thrust while he was biting me. He bit my shoulder so hard, I felt the blood. I screamed and begged him to stop.

He pulled my hair in a painful way to make me scream again.

I tried to think My _Guardian Angel_.

"Mello!" I cried out.

"His name is Mello, huh?" he asked darkly. "Did you have sex with him?"

He continued trusting. It was so painful. So agonizing.

When he came I went limp. "Mello…" I whispered.

Andrew left the room and I tried to reach the rosary Mello gave me.

But I couldn't reach it. My mind stopped and I passed out there.

* * *

**A/N: **To be honest, I didn't like this chapter. It felt like events happened so fast. Can you review your idea about this chapter? I can re-write this if you won't like.

I also have huge plans about this story.

**Also, a question; **Would you like a happy ending or an un-happy ending for this story?


	5. Finally With You

**MELLO'S POV **

I couldn't help but thought about Matt's discomfort near his brother. Maybe it was just because of his being late.

Yes, it might have been because of this. What could it be otherwise?

I sighed and smiled myself while I was thinking about Matt. That redness of love wouldn't leave my mind. I wanted to see him, feel his fragile body on my chest, kiss him…

I went to the kitchen to take some bars of chocolate. Sitting on the chair I bit my chocolate.

I closed my eyes and let the memories took me away. To the heaven I have learned.

_"A-are you… Are you my guardian angel?"_

That much love in my heart, covering me, overflowing and becoming a world.

_"Yes, I can be."_

I was his guardian angel. A guardian angel… I smiled myself. Innocence of a child-like soul, dreams of it… So beautiful.

_"I found you… I am finally with you…"_

Just thinking about him was the deepest pleasure. But I wanted him. Wanted to be with him. Spent all my time with him…

"Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail, Mail…" I murmured and bit a big part of chocolate. "Oh, Mail, what have you done to me?"

_"When I was little, my mom told me there's an angel who is my guardian angel… That angel is you." _

**MAIL'S POV**

I was dying.

Wasn't I?

Mihael was far away. I had no ability for dreaming anymore.

I was lost. And passing away. I wouldn't understand if I died; because it was already dark.

Mom and Dad were calling for me. Maybe with cats on their laps. And there were colorful flowers.

A heaven…

My mind stopped.

No, it couldn't be a heaven!

Without Mihael, it wouldn't be!

I didn't want to die…

And I woke up.

I checked the floor I was lying. I crawled and felt the rosary. I pulled it to my chest.

"Mihael," I whispered. "Mihael… I'll come to you…" Then I stood up shakily. Was it morning or night?

Sun's warmness wasn't there.

But I needed to escape.

I couldn't wash myself. Feeling the blood was disturbing me but I needed to escape right away. I wouldn't stay here anymore. Mihael was waiting…

I wore anything I could find. I held the rosary so tight that my hand hurt with the pressure of the cross.

My walking was really slow and careful this time. Andrew wouldn't expect me to run away at night. No, he wouldn't expect me to run away _anytime_.

Flat's door was right in front of me again. My heart was beating so fast with my agitation's increase.

_Mihael is waiting for me…_

I opened the door without any sound and stepped outside. I was trembling terribly. I closed the door with the same slowness.

While holding the rosary tight, I walked down the stairs.

Feeling of Andrew watching me made my steps faster. If I would be caught this time, he would beat me to death. He would touch me… That was even worse.

When I was out of apartment, cold caught me and I started to tremble. I hardened my grab on the rosary.

"Mihael! Are you here?"

I walked a little more.

"Mihael, I came…"

I walked gingerly and when I reached a cold wall, I reclined to it and sat there.

"I'll wait you, Mihael. But come fast."

I sighed and felt sleepy. "Andrew will find me otherwise…"

**MELLO'S POV**

I woke up with the feeling of sun on my skin. I used to hate that warmness but now, it was reminding me Mail's body.

_Mail, I am coming._

I washed my face and brushed my hair so fast.

I wore my usual clothes, but better ones, the best I had. My Mail may wouldn't see, but I knew he would feel.

_Mail, are you waiting for me? _

With happiness I laughed and rushed out from my flat just in a time to remember take my keys to my pocket.

I walked the streets to his home.

_Or are you still sleeping in your warm bed? _

I kissed a cat on my way. How charming that orange tabby was…

_Maybe you are eating your breakfast…_

Everything seemed so beautiful… My Mail wouldn't see them… But I was going to tell him every detail about every beautiful thing.

_Are you thinking about me like I do? Did you also thought about the memories we shared? _

I started to run. I was running on my limits to reach him, to embrace him earlier. To see his face…

_Are you also growing impatient?_

I saw his apartment.

_See, I came. Like I promised. I came!_

I looked around to see him. See his red hair, wide blue eyes, milk skin…

Then I saw him. But not in a way I wished.

He was near the wall, lying there. His eyelids were closed. He was paler than usual and what made me tremble was seeing blood around his nose.

I ran near him with concern. "Mail? Mail!"

When I touched his shoulder, I realized how cold he was. He could catch a chill!

"Mail!" I panicked. "Mail! Wake up!"

I looked at his eyelashes to see a move. Then he slowly opened his eyes. I sighed with relieving.

"Mihael…" he whispered. "I've waited for you." Then a little smile showed on his face. "Take me away, now. Wherever you want to. Let's go away…"

"What happened to you, Mail?" I asked while stroking his hair. "Your nose seems bad…" Than I suddenly had an anger inside. "Did your brother do this?! He hit you, didn't he! I understood from the first moment that he wasn't caring about you! He left you there, didn't he?!"

"Mel-lo…" He grabbed my hand. "I fell from the stairs, I swear. I came here for waiting you…"

Then he raised his other hand. I saw my rosary in his white palm.

"You came. You love me." He smiled again. "Take me now…"

"Matt…" I didn't know what could I tell him. Then I raised him and held like a bride. "I'm taking you _my_ home. We can eat there…"

Then I realized he was wearing his t-shirt reverse.

I kissed him from his forehead with tenderness and stayed like that for a moment.

"Mello… Are you taking me _your _home?"

"Yeah…" then I continued. "And I won't let you come here, again. You'll live with me from now on…"

He started to tremble and sob. And I embraced him tighter with sympathy.

"I'll… live with you…" he repeated.

With a smile I kissed him again, from his lips this time.

"Let's take your belongings," I said. He shook his head.

"I haven't got any… Just take me away…"

I was surprised first but then anger filled me. His brother wasn't caring about him and wasn't letting him have belongings! I hoped he didn't do more.

I could kill him, otherwise…

With Matt in my arms, I walked home. He was trembling slightly and soon slumbered.

When I arrived my home, I tried hard to open the doors with Matt in my arms. He just whimpered a little but continued his tranquility filled sleeping like an angel.

I opened the flat's door and stepped inside.

"Mail, we're here, wake up…"

He revived slowly and smiled.

I carried him to my bedroom and lied him on to my king-sized bed.

"Wait a little." I told him. My house was already tidy and clean. I opened the window for some fresh air. Then I opened the wardrobe and found a t-shirt and pants for Matt. They were not tight and they were the only clothes I had weren't black. Pants were jeans and t-shirt was white. I also took out a boxer and put the clothes near the bed.

"You have to have a bath, Matt," I told him. He nodded but he seemed in thoughts. He was happy to be here, I understood.

"Then you'll wear some of my clothes. We'll have breakfast. I have a lots of chocolate for breakfast but if you wish I can also buy egg, ham, cheese, whatever you want."

He was smiling distantly. "Are you listening to me, Matt?"

"Yes…" he whispered.

"I'm getting the sink ready for you." I said and left the room.

I adjusted the water for warmness and filled the sink up. Then get some towels for him.

I smiled with the thought of me washing his unblemished porcelain skin…

I went back to my room where Matt was still lying on bed.

"Okay, Matt. Bath is ready…"

He straightened up and I carried his lightweighted body to the bathroom.

"Want me to help you bathing, Matt?"

He turned his head. "I can bathe myself, Mello." He sounded touchy.

"Oh, Okay then but feel free to call me when you need help. I can also wash your hair!"

He smiled and nodded.

"Can I wash your hair?" I asked again.

"Okay…"

Then he started to take his clothes off. He took out his socks and t-shirt but when it came to the pants he stopped.

"Mello, I wanna bathe myself…"

"Oh, okay…" I said, but I was curious and anxious. Maybe he was ashamed but that sudden decision befuddled me.

I made him touch the towels to show where they are and left.

I made my way to the kitchen for preparing something for breakfast. Variety was limited with chocolate.

When Matt got out of the bathroom with his clothes in his hand and a towel around his waist, I helped him to go to my room.

"Mello, I should junk these clothes. They're so dirty and…"

"Okay, I'll throw them" I said and took them from him. Then stared at his slim legs, his nipples, his shoulders, his face and hair. Oh. God. I subjugated my feeling and turned my hear as I gave him the clean clothes.

"You can wear them?"

"Of course I can! I always wear myself!" He sounded proud of himself.

I wanted to tell him that he was wearing his t-shirt reverse but stopped. Let him be proud of himself.

I went to the kitchen and took a garbage bag for clothes. Just before throwing them, I stopped and decided to check them first. I looked at the t-shirt and threw it with the socks. I checked the pants' pockets and then realized there was something _hidden_ in the bottom of the trouser.

What would Matt hide?

I reached it and pulled.

It was a boxer.

And it was bloody.


	6. Running Away From the Monsters

**MELLO'S POV**

_Blood? _

_Why would…_

_Rape…_

_Mail…_

_But why…_

_Who could…_

My mind was going to the different directions. It was confusing and painful.

I wanted to know, understand…

_His brother…_

A tear rolled down from my cheek.

Trembling, I stood up and walked to my room.

_Really… Can he… _

I opened my room's door lustily.

Matt, who was about to wear the t-shirt and already had wore pants, jumped with the sudden noise.

"M-Mello?"

_"Does your brother touch you?"_

He froze for a moment with daze. His hand started to tremble and he let the t-shirt fell to the floor. His eyes went wide.

"T-touch me?"

He seemed like someone who was about to break down.

I walked straight to him. "Does he… _rape_ you?"

He stayed silent. Tears were welling up in his eyes and his whole body was trembling. His distant look seemed so much in agony. That hurt me. I was also suffering with him.

Silence continued for minutes. My heart was shattering.

_How could someone hurt him?_

Then he fell to the ground.

I hurried and embraced him. He was crying and sobbing loudly in my arms. I was also crying with him. Now I was sure he was abused.

I wanted to comfort him, make his sobs stop. They were the knives which were stabbing my heart.

"Shhh… It's over, Mail. I swear he won't ever touch you… I'll kill him in a most painful ways…"

He cried harder and nuzzled me. "M…Mi-Mihael!.."

I kissed all over his angelic and soft face.

"I'M DIRTY!" He cried out and struggled. I hugged him tighter.

"You are not… Baby, you can't be dirty. Please, don't cry…"

He went limp and whimpered. "I am disgusting! I'm blind. I am weak…"

"Being blind is not something bad…" I whispered and stroked his wet cheek.

"I even can't see you… I'm used… Y-You will… hate me…"

"How _can_ I hate you? Mail, you're not dirty or weak. You're perfect. You're beautiful and special. I will kill that bastard who tried to use you… But what he had done can't make you dirty…"

"M-mihael…" He was still crying with sorrow and my tears were also muddying my view.

"Are you still my guardian angel?" he said with a cracked tiny voice.

"I will always be your guardian angel. Whatever you do or done to you can not change that fact as can't change the pure beauty of your soul… I love you and I'll be with you…"

He breathed heavily and raised his hands. When he touched my face I gasped.

His touches were like a wind blowing. Soft and stroking, giving you the feeling of peace.

He wiped away the tears on my cheeks and touched my nose. Then he lowered down his hand and stroked my lips. He made his way to my eyes. I closed them and he touched my eyelashes. His hands went to my eyebrows. Then he ended his way on my hair. He touched the hair and followed it. He gasped and smiled when he realized my hair was long.

I also smiled when I saw his smile. That was it. His happiness was mine, his grief was mine. And I would kill anyone, _everyone_ for his sake.

"Thank you…"

Then he closed his eyes slowly.

Raising his body, I sighed deeply. I made him wear the t-shirt and carried his body to the bed. I dried his teary cheeks. He had been cried so much and his face was reddened.

I took the rosary he left on the bed and made him wear it. It was his rosary after my promise. And we both knew that meeting had changed our lives. Maybe the rosary was the symbol of that change.

His hair was still wet and I dried it with the towel while he was sleeping lightly.

"Mail," I whispered seriously, "I'm going. I will kill that bastard…"

"Don't…" he said suddenly and grabbed my hand. "Don't kill anyone. Don't leave me." He pulled my hand and kissed my palm. "Don't…"

Surprised, I stayed there. That bastard was his brother in the end but… But he had raped him, abused him. Why would my Mail want him to be alive?

That was the pure innocence.

"Okay, Mail. I won't go…"

I lied near him. "Then we will eat our breakfast later, but we can talk now, Mail. Whatever you want to talk about…"

He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face into my vest. With my affection to him, that action made me moan with deepest love. I embraced him back.

"You smell chocolate…"

"Oh," I said, smiled, "Because I love chocolate so much! If you want some, I can get you…"

He shook his head slowly. "No. Not now. But I know how delicious it was. When we was living with the aunt, she would buy chocolate sometimes."

"Aunt? Did you live with your aunt?"

"When our parents died, Andrew was young for looking after me and live alone. Aunt was looking for us till the day Andrew turned 18. She wasn't good for us. She would cook well but she would also sell our furniture or expensive stuff for making money. She also had no house, she would stay in a rented flat. I think that's why she accepted looking after us. She would invite men to the house and always flirt with them. She also said bad things about my parents. Once, when I said she was envying my mother she slapped me and told me that she was already dead. When she was gone, Andrew sold the house, it had a few furniture left anyway, and we moved to the flat."

My poor Mail, never had a good life… But I promised myself it was going to change. Mail was going to become the happiest person.

And I also learned the bastard's name; Andrew.

"Mail, was Andrew abusing you all the time?" I was a little regretful for the question but I had to know. The fact I wouldn't kill him because of Matt wasn't keeping me away from torturing that motherfucker.

"He always hated me, I think. When we were kids, he would steal my toys. Only one he loved in this life was father, I think. He would go everywhere with dad. And I would stay at home with Mom. Mom would tell me stories. When the accident happened and our parents died, he was silent for a few months. He wasn't even uttering a word. Then he started to mock me and hurt me. He was punching me or kicking me when I was on his way. I was walking with touching the walls and he would change the furniture's places. When aunt was hitting me or slapping me, he would laugh to make me hear. He would always scare me. When I was walking and getting ready to sleep, he would make loud noises. When aunt left and we moved, he got worse. He had a drinking problem."

He stopped speaking and buried his head to my chest a little more.

"First night… He forced me… Was the night he offered me to drink liquor, too. He asked me and I accepted first. But it tasted bad and I pushed the bottle. He tried to force me and showed the bottle into my mouth. It was disgusting. I vomited a few times. Then he became angry. He told me bad things, like I was just useless. Then… Then he…"

He didn't continue but also didn't cry. He just stayed silent.

I was the one who's crying. But I did it silent. I had learned crying silently on the first days when I started to live in the orphanage.

"But… I'm happy now, Mello."

"And you'll be much happier…" I whispered to him. He smiled.

Than I asked a question I was curious about. "How could you cut your hair, Matt?" He had a nice and fluffy hair.

"With scissors." He simply said. I was ashamed of myself. I even couldn't cut my own hair straightly but Matt was doing this perfectly despite he was blind.

Then I remembered another necessary thing. "I'll buy you clothes, Mail."

He raised his head suddenly. "You don't have to!"

"But, I am your guardian angel and I _have to _buy you clothes. Just tell me how you would like to wear."

He smiled and murmured, "Colorful…"

I stopped and felt my heart ache. "Okay…" I kissed his head. "I'll buy you colorful and beautiful clothes…"

"Can you also buy me a toothbrush? I left mine at home."

"Okay, and a colorful toothbrush, then…" I said.

He giggled and cuddled me. "It doesn't have to be colorful, Mello…"

"But I will buy colorful one," I said, smiling.

"I love you, Mello."

"I love you, too, Matt."

"I'm hungry…" he murmured.

"Okay!" I said cheerfully and raised him. With this sudden move, he yelped. Then he blinked and laughed.

I ran to the kitchen with him in my arms. He made happy screams. I also laughed with him and for more action jumped a few times.

"Mello! You will drop me!"

"But we need to escape!"

He seemed surprised. "Uh, from what?"

"From the monsters of course!"

He giggled. "There are no monsters!"

"Of course there are! Me, _your guardian angel_ must to protect you from them. And fight with them!"

Matt laughed again and screamed when I started to run in the corridor and rooms. "Mello!" he cried out cheerfully.

"We're almost arrived!"

Then arrived kitchen with a big jump and stopped. "Here we are!"

Matt giggled and held my cheeks. Then he kissed me. It was a fast kiss which I could only feel his softness. Next second, he blushed and murmured, "Let's eat."

I made him sit while he was blushing like that kiss was disgrace.

"There are chocolates, chocolate biscuits, chocolate milk and Nutella for the breakfast. What would you like to eat?"

"Oh… I think… Something with chocolate is okay…"

We both laughed. "If you want something different I can go and buy some…"

"No, today I can eat chocolate. It's been a long while till I last ate some."

"Okay…" I said and prepared a bread with Nutella. "Open you mouth."

"I can eat myself!"

"Let me make you!"

He opened his mouth and I made him eat the bread. "Hmmm…" he murmured, "delicious…"

He ate a bar of chocolate, a few biscuits and two breads with chocolate and drank a glass of chocolate milk with appetite.

"And the best thing is coming… Open your mouth…"

He opened and waited. I leaned forward and slid my tongue into his mouth. He gasped and came closer. I kissed him with _hunger_. He tasted chocolate and this turned me on even more.

When we parted away he was breathing heavily.

"Are you okay, Matt?"

"Oh…" he smiled, "I am."

"Seems like breakfast time has finished."

He nodded and with a smile he stood up.

"Perfect timing, Matt, because monsters are coming."

He laughed and I raised him again.

Then we ran away from the monsters.

**MAIL'S POV**

He ran with me in his arms. Monsters were always coming after us and my guardian angel was saving me.

It was really fun till I vomited on his vest.

He said it wasn't a problem and it was his mistake but I felt bad about it. He tried to cheer me up with jokes and then he cackled me. I laughed so much that my eyes went teary. Then he took a new t-shirt for himself and pulled me to the bathroom. He washed my mouth without nauseating and changed his clothes there.

He made me drink some chocolate milk for the disgusting taste in my mouth. I gladly drank it and thanked him.

Then we went to living room, both tired. I was sleepy and when I was about to pass out, he kissed me all over the face.

"Are you sleeping?" he asked. Because for a blind, closing his eyes were normal.

"Yes." I whispered.

"Are you dreaming?"

"Yes."

"What about?"

"It's a secret."

"But you _have to_ tell me."

"No, I don't."

"But I am your-"

"Shut up!" I said cheerfully and cuddled him. We laughed and he kissed me again.

"Do you have any hobbies, Matt?" he asked like he was trying to keep me awake.

"Yes. Running away from the monsters!"

"What else?" he asked while laughing.

"I like growing flowers."

"You grew flowers?"

"Yes! And they smelled so nice! I bought them with my own money! I was giving water to them every morning when sun was giving warmness…"

"Andrew threw them, didn't he?" he asked. I was surprised first to him to know that but I think it wasn't something hard to guest. I nodded.

"I'm gonna really kill him…" he murmured.

"No, you won't…" I said and held his hand. "Promise me."

"I can't really understand you, Matt."

"Promise me," I repeated.

"Okay, okay, I promise."

Then I sighed and laid on sofa again. This sofa wasn't granitic like the ones at my old home. It was so soft.

I listened to the news with Mello but then I felt really sleepy and passed out.

**MELLO'S POV **

I understood he was sleeping with his breathings' voice.

How I wanted to kill Andrew… I promised myself to torture him tomorrow again.

I watched Matt sleeping for a while.

Then I turned my head to look at the news at tv. Nothing interesting.

It was getting late and I woke Matt up for dinner. I wouldn't give him chocolate again for dinner –he was already sickly looking and so slim- and I told him I was going to the market. He didn't want me to go out and told me he could eat chocolate again. I refused and he told me he wanted to come with me this time. Then I made him touch the rosary I gave him and told him I would come back in minutes. He was unhappy but nodded. These promised with cross were sacred for us.

I left home and bought some spaghetti, sauce, fried chicken, chocolate and Cola from the supermarket.

When I came back Matt jumped on me like I was out for years. He also whined about I was late.

I prepared the dinner perfectly. I was a good cook and when Matt sat at the table, he told me that even the smelling was perfect.

I fed him well and he whimpered with the taste of the spaghetti with sauce, hot fried chicken and Coke with them. He ate a lot; poor thing probably had never eaten this much delicious things…

Then we went to the bed. We shared the same bed and he cuddled me. He fell asleep silently a few seconds later he snuggled to my chest.

I kissed him and closed my eyes.

His emotions were mine. And now, I was happy...


	7. Lachrymose Baby

**A/N: ****Many happy returns, **CatatonicVanity!

* * *

**MELLO'S POV**

_He was warm._

I pulled him to my chest so hard that he whimpered in his sleep and murmured something.

"Wake up, beauty… It's morning." I whispered to his ear while he was wriggling away from my arms with a big yawning.

"Mello?" He opened his huge and grandiose blue eyes and with the un-focusing look he stared at my side. "Good morning, Mello…" Smiling, he reached me and came closer.

"Good morning, Matt," I pulled him to my chest again and this time, kissed his warm lips. I thought about the times when I kissed boys or girls on this bed before the sex. Those kisses were just little actions of the lust.

But this was giving me peace and making me understand the love I never had since I was a little child.

I checked my mind and thought would I want to have sex with Matt. To be honest, I would want it like crazy but I knew that would scare him. He was living with a bastard who was a rapist and abuser; what I wanted was making him feel the love I felt. And showing him the deepest sides of it, not the lust part.

I stood up and wore new pants and vest. "Matt, I'll go out. As promised, I need to buy something."

He also stood up suddenly but he hit his foot to the nightstand and fell down. I ran near him and held him with the fear of him getting injured. But he struggled and stood up again. "I'll also come with you!" he said.

Actually, I was planning to beat and torture that Andrew bastard before the shopping and with Matt, that plan wouldn't go on.

"No, Matt, you_ will_ stay at home and I _will_ come after the shopping," I told him and straightened up.

"You have to take me with you!" he said stubbornly. "You are my guardian angel, you can _not_ leave me alone!"

"Yes, Matt, I am your guardian angel but this doesn't mean that I have to take you everywhere with me. Even sometimes, your being with me can be dangerous. I don't have a car, I have a motorcycle and because of that fact, you can't come. If you sit behind me, you can fall and I would never forgive myself if you're injured."

He shook his head with anger. "You don't want me with you because you don't want to have the shame of going out with a blind!" He sniffled and turned around. "I am desperate... I even can't look inside your eyes…"

"That's not the reason, Matt." I said, feeling sad. "I swear I have a bike-"

"I can sit behind you!" he turned to me and I saw a few tears. Oh, what now, crying?

"Matt, you are _really_ exaggerating this. You can fall from there. And I will come back quickly for you…"

"I don't want clothes, Mello. Don't go! I don't want to be alone all day, please!"

I was getting angry. But my love for Matt was suppressing my anger. "Matt, it won't take the whole day, of course…"

He whimpered and sat down on his knees…

I walked near him and kissed his red hair. He raised his head and I stroke his little freckled nose. "Don't you trust me, Matt?"

He shook his head. "I-I do."

"Then, why…?"

"Because," he said and lowered his head again, "I'm afraid."

I scowled and sat near him for embrace his fragile form. "What are you afraid of, my lachrymose baby?"

"I'm afraid of loosing you…" he said. "I found you so late and… If you go away and don't come again…"

"You idiot…" I said, kissed his neck and buried my face there. "Hold the rosary, Matt. Whenever you have doubt of me leaving you or my love for you, hold it and remember the eternal love I feel for you. That will be your answer."

He held the rosary and I stood up. "I'm leaving now Matt. When I'll come back I will buy something for breakfast for you, too. You're free to do whatever you want."

He nodded. He was childish and stubborn yet he was easy to convinced about conditions. With a kiss to forehead, I left him and taking my keys and wallet with me, I walked out.

Outside, I climbed to my bike and rode to Matt's old house first. I arrived there and then realized I didn't know the number of the flat. Then I checked the bell names and found the surname 'Jeevas', number 25. I climbed the stairs and stood near the door's flat. I had no guns but my fists and kicks were always with me.

I knocked the door roughly. First I heard the footsteps behind of the door. Then that bastard opened the door.

"Oh," He scratched his head and narrowing his green eyes, stared at me. "Look who is this... That Mello guy!" I was surprised to hear my nickname from him but my expression stayed still. He, who was obviously drunk, leaned against the door frame and pouted.

"Where the fuck is my little brother, huh? You took him, didn't you? He needs to come back to his house, I missed him…"

_Patience, Mello._

"I will tell you the story. But won't you invite me inside?"

He opened the door wider and I entered the house which was so empty.

"Story? Ah, I understood now. I know what you want…" He grinned like he knew a secret about me.

I raised an eyebrow. "What is the thing I want?"

"You want me to sell that bitch to you, don't you?" He laughed and my hands became fists with anger. "But it won't be cheap, you know-"

Then he had a fist on his face. He cried out and fell backwards.

"What the fuck you think you're doing?!"

I kicked him and then punched his jaw. Then I raised his body with my fists and held him against the wall. "Do you know your being alive now is because of Mail who you abused all this time?"

"What… What are you talking about?!" He shouted angrily. Oh, I was angrier and pushed him to the wall again with all my strength. He hit his head and showed his fear with wide eyes. He squirmed around.

"He was _your_ brother! You had to take care of him! But you abused him! He didn't do anything wrong but you… You motherfucker…"

I threw him to the floor and kicked him again. He tried to hold my foot but a kick came down to his face. Now, his nose was bleeding and he was whimpering.

"You're lucky because he told me not to kill you. He would even be angry if he knew I am here but… But there must be revenge, doesn't it?"

He whimpered in fear and tried to go away but I held him and threw him sharply again. "Don't be afraid! I would never rape you! Even touching you is disgusting enough!"

Then I kicked him hard –really hard- again and again. I was blind with anger now and I was hitting, kicking, punching without thinking. After ten minutes of beating, he went limp but still conscious.

I stood up and spitted on his face. He whimpered but stayed still with fear and pain.

I left there without a word and when I was out of the apartment, I patted a kitten's head. Touching a cat was calming for me. I sighed and tried to thing about nice things. Like Matt's beautiful red hair. His pale face. His freckles. His smile. His shining blue eyes. _His love..._

I rode to a near mall. I parked my bike and looked at the Mall map. I was going to buy clothes from luxury stores. I found one and entered the store. An employee smiled and came near me but I told her I could buy things myself.

Colorful, huh? I saw some striped t-shirts. They were colorful, weren't they?

I chose red-black, blue-red, purple-yellow, green-yellow t-shirts and some one colored ones. Then I chose two blue jeans. I also bought a green jean and a tight grey pants. I paid for them and bought him a lot of boxers, vests and socks from another store. I even bought him a jacket for winter. I had spent thousands of dollars end of the day. Matt deserved the best but they were expensive even for the bests.

Then I saw a store which was selling glasses. I remembered Matt's saying that he was staring empty. If it was disturbing him, I would buy him glasses. I had no problem with his beautiful eyes but if that would avoid his complex, I could do this.

I went in the store and looked at the models. I didn't want him to wear something black that would cause him to seem like blind men with sticks. I also wanted to see his eyes shine to me.

When I saw a goggle with orange lenses I decided on it. It was colorful but transparent at the same time. I bought it and finally bought a toothbrush which was blue and green from another store.

It was getting late and Matt was probably crying at home because of I was late. I smiled with this thought and hurried back home. I tied the pockets to my bike and rode fast. When I reached the apartment, I took out my phone from my pocket and called mafia.

"Hello?"

"I'm Mello. Who the fuck is you?"

"Oh… B-Brad, boss!"

"Okay, Brad. I want a car from now on. Luxury and sports, of course. And certificates, too, you know that stuff, okay?"

"It's okay, boss!"

I closed the phone and walked to home.

When I opened the door, Matt ran to the door and he hit the wall. That should had been hurt. Actually he didn't care.

He whimpered and ran to me again. He cuddled me and cried out that I was late.

Then I pulled him and gave him his new clothes. He was happy and when I told him they were colorful he wanted to wear them at once. I gave him the red-black striped t-shirt and jeans. He wore them and I saw his that wonderful body while watching.

He was cute like this. He smiled and asked me how. "Matt, you are hot."

He blushed and giggled.

"Not done," I said and smiled while taking out the goggles from the pocket. "I bought you goggles…"

"G-Gog…?"

"Kind of glasses," I told him and made him wear it.

"F-Feels nice…" he touched the lenses. "Is this colorful?"

"Yes, it is," I whispered and kissed him.

"Let's eat." I said then.

"What will we eat?" he asked hopefully.

"Things we ate yesterday. I forgot to buy food."

He was smiling and walking after me with holding my vest. When we entered the kitchen, my phone rang.

_Unknown._

I raised the phone and turned to Matt who was surprised. "Stay silent, baby, k?" He nodded.

"Who are you?"

"It's Dan, boss..."

"What's the problem?" I asked angrily. No "fuck" near Matt.

"Boss," he said with a shaky voice, "Jeff Bryson seems really serious…"

* * *

**a/n: **Sorry for the shortness but I wanted to finish this side of story.


	8. You Realize

**A/N: **I have a new story, Pacifier and Kiss. Please check out!

* * *

**MELLO'S POV**

Moonlight was illuminating the room and giving me the ability of seeing my Mail's peaceful face. He was sleeping quietly, his long eyelashes had their shadows on his pale cheeks. On the nightstand, he had his new orange goggles.

I was watching him about two hours. I had memorized every freckle he had, every details about his angelic face.

Kneeling to him, I stopped just before kissing him. Then I stood again.

That love, which was making me gliding in a world which had dreams of an angel. And they were coming true slowly. In a big grave, all bad memories were away from us. Deaths, Rape, Being Alone… Everything hurt us…

Watching him had been agonizing enough to feel the regret of finding him late.

I sighed and closed my eyes as I opened my phone. I knew that I had to take Matt with me, he would be really sad and angry for being left in home for hours otherwise.

Calling the warehouse of mafia, I guessed who would open the phone. It vas Favian.

He asked who was at the other line with a sleepy sound. Telling him that I was Mello was enough to make him completely awake. I told him about the car and ordered to take it to my street for tomorrow. I closed the phone without waiting for his answer.

I lied near Matt wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Mello…" he mumbled, his hand twitched and then he fell asleep with the same speed he woke up.

That guy, Jeff Bryson had reached all the files on our computers and according to Dan, there were threatening messages in every file. I wished that he wouldn't reach the locality; I would blow up every hacker's head at mafia if that happen.

I fell asleep with the music of Matt's slow and deep breathings.

Even with his breathings, he was whispering… "I love you."

On the morrow, I woke up so early and waited for Matt wake up, too. He was sleeping with his arms hugging himself.

"Matt…" I shook his arm a little. "Matt. Hey, baby. Wake up… It's morning already…"

He groaned and buried his head deeper into the pillows. "I wanna sleep more…"

"Then, you can stay here and sleep while I'll be going out, sleepy babe."

He opened his eyes. "I will come with you…"

"Then wake up!"

He got on and yawned.

I wore myself quickly with a vest and tight pants. Then I made Matt wear a striped t-shirt and a jean. He was so sleepy that his head was falling to the sides while I was garbing him the t-shirt. Maybe I would let him sleep a little more…

I brushed my teeth and Matt was already asleep on the bed. I carried him and washed his face. He whined and I brushed his teeth, too.

"Matt, you can sleep at home, you don't need to-"

"I…" his head fell to his chest and he raised his body suddenly, "will come with you."

"Please yourself…"

I called the warehouse again and Dan, who opened the phone told me that Brad was the one coming with the car.

"Matt, we're going out."

He stood and stepped behind me while touching the walls to make his way.

When we left the flat, he was like a zombie. The goggles he wore after waking up were hanging from his neck. His eyes were closed (in spite of his blindness, he was usually keeping them open). His steps were shaky and his head was falling around.

He fell once and then I carried him.

"Ow, Mello!"

"Yeah, Matty?" I asked.

"Don't leave me home…"

"I won't."

When I made Matt lie in the back seats of the car, I saw Brad's extreme confused expression on the mirror. Then I sat near Matt. That was abnormal, me sitting back seats. Brad cleared his throat.

"He's my friend, and if someone will touch him at mafia, I'll kill him whoever he is." I explained and leaned back.

"I will tell this to the others." He said with a fear in his voice.

He was driving us to the mafia and Matt was sleeping with his head on my lap.

While passing near Matt's old house, an ambulance and a police car catched my attention. There were many people around with shocked expressions.

"Stop!" I screamed and Brad stopped suddenly. Matt whined and turned around but didn't wake up.

"Matt," I whispered. "I'm going out for looking around, k?"

He nodded. I put his head to the seat slowly and got out of the car. I walked near the crowd.

"How did he suicide?" a woman asked and I eavesdropped the conversation.

"He cut his wrists, they say."

"Poor thing… He was so young."

"He had a brother to the best of my recollection. He was... disabled? I pity him, he will be left alone since their parents are already dead."

Then a boy ran near the crowd. "Andrew Jeevas is dead? Really?!"

I was sure now.

I stood there for a minute and closed my eyes.

_You realized, Andrew…_

Than I turned back to the car. I sat near Matt and ordered Brad to go on.

I fondled him and sighed.

When we arrived warehouse, I carried Matt inside. Everybody in the mafia looked at me strangely but a glare was enough to make them turn their heads another way.

I putted Matt on a sofa and called Dan. When I was going to the room which had computers, I looked at Matt a final time and left there. He would probably be asleep for a while.

**Matt's POV**

I woke up with a strange feeling.

"Mello?"

I straightened up and touched where I was sleeping. "Mello? Where are you?"

"Oh... You're awake. Hi…" a strange sound said.

"Who… Who are you?"

"I am Earl. Nice to meet you."

"Oh… Who- Who are you?.." I repeated.

"From the mafia… Mello is our boss, don't you know him? He carried you…"

I understood then. "Where is Mello?"

"He is busy at the moment. Hey, why are you staring at Mello's chocolate cupboard? If you want some, you have no change."

"I am blind." I told this fact simply.

He stayed quiet for a minute.

"I am sorry…"

"Oh, you don't have to…" I said, "When will Mello come?"

"As I told you, he's busy but you can wait for him."

I sighed and then a strange smell came to my nose.

"Want cigarette?" he asked.

"I never tried…" I explained.

"Do you wanna try, then?"

I nodded slowly with curiosity.

He gave me a thin stick.

"Put this between your lips and draw air through it when I tell you."

I did what he told and now, I could feel the smoke.

"Hold it with you fingers and draw air when you will drink it."

When I first tried, I coughed hard. I was panicked first but Earl told me it was normal and I continued. I liked it.

A few minutes later, when I started my second cigarette, loud footsteps echoed in the place.

I heard Mello then. "Matt, you're awake… Hey, what's…"

He walked near me loudly and pulled the cigarette out of my hand sharply. I jumped.

"M-Mello?" His sudden act scared me.

"WHO GAVE HIM THIS SHIT?!"

"Mello…" I tried to talk to him but he didn't listen to me.

"WHO?!"

"It was me, boss…" a tiny, feared voice told.

Mello walked near him, I heard the steps. I started to feel bad for Earl. That was my mistake.

"MELLO!"

Someone touched my shoulder. "Ssshh.. Don't call him like that. He can kill you."

Mello would never hurt me but I didn't care.

"If you will give him one more cancer stick or hurt him, Earl, you know what I can do…"

"B-But boss, I've never thought about hurting him… I just oferred-"

"SHUT UP!"

"MELLO!"

Then the sounds stop. "What, Matt?"

"Mello…" I whimpered… "Stop…"

I tried to bit back the tears but they were coming.

"I wanted the cigarette. To taste it. It's nothing wrong…" Then I lowered my head. "That was just like Andrew, Mello…"

His footsteps came closer as someone gasped behind me. Then warm arms inclosed and raised me. I stayed still in his arms. "Let's go back, Matt." he said with a cold voice.

We went back to home. Mello drove the car while I was sitting near him with a seat belt Mello made me wear. It was reassuring to know he was still caring about me.

At home, he unclothed me and made me wear new things after he washed my face and hands. I just let him take care of me and stayed still.

It was unbearable.

"Mello..." I whispered with a desperate voice.

"I'm angry with you, Matt," he told me. But his voice was calm.

"Why…"

"Don't you know those cigarettes are unhealthy?"

"I am sorry…" I said with a sad tone. I wanted him to hold me but I couldn't ask for it.

"And I am sorry, too. You know why…" he told me and embraced me. I trembled with the delight of his hug.

"It's okay... I love you, Mello…"

"I love you too, Matt…"

He kissed me. I smiled and kissed him back. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and that was a big pleasure for me. I moaned and tried to deepen the kiss. I wasn't as good as him but trying my best.

Then a hand slipped under my t-shirt and touched my bare chest.

I wanted his touch.

I wanted his body…

For the first time, I wanted something like that…


	9. AN, Please Read!

Hello!

I had a thought about deleting this story because of the low interest and my own depression.

But I decided not to. I'll re-write the story and continue.

English is not my mother language, so I can't write perfect but I'll try my best from now on...

I'll post new chapters to **Pacifier and Kiss** while re-writing this one.

Thank you all who supported me!

_¡Gracias! Yo no voy!_

* * *

_Hello again, _

I re-writed all the chapters. - They're not perfect but I tried my best.

Thank you all who supported me, _again._

muchas gracias


	10. I'm Sleeping Now

**A/N: **Sorry for the late update. I love all of you who favorite/follow/review my story... I don't own Death Note, Black or Hachiko, the most dramatic movie ever. Short chapter. It's only about Matt and Mello's daily life and new habits. And can you warn me about my mistakes by messaging or reviewing? But please not too rough.

* * *

_ The alphabets of the world start with A, B, C, D, E but yours start with B, L, A, C, K... Black._

_-from BLACK, the movie_

**MELLO'S POV**

"You stopped…" He whispered with a woeful voice. He was lying there, hair messy, eyes closed and t-shirt bended.

"I had to…"

He reached my wrist with his thin fingers and slowly held my hand.

"Mello…" He smiled though a tear flowed on his cheek. "I'm not scared…"

I turned to him slowly, leaned over his face and squeezed his hand. I caressed his cheek and wiped away the tear.

"I am scared."

* * *

_I was scared._

I was always rough. Sex was just a lust for me.

But Mail…

His love was deeper.

And I was scared to hurt him.

Next morning, I woke up earlier than usual. Mail was sleeping peacefully, hugging his pillow. I kissed his forehead for waking him up but he whimpered and turned his back. I rolled my eyes and buried my head to his neck. When my nose nuzzled his sensitive skin, he squirmed and pulled the pillow over his head.

"It's morning, baby. Wake up," I whispered slowly and caressed his hair.

"Mello…" he whimpered with protest. "Let me sleeeep!"

"You can sleeeep later," I smiled and pulled the pillow. "But I wanna kiiiiiss you right now…"

"Kiss the wall." He giggled.

I squeezed his nose. "You taste better."

"Really? You could kiss me last night, too!" he snapped and pulled the quilt over his head this time. After a minute he whined. "You make me sound like a…"

"A pervert?"

"Hey!" He straightened up and frowned.

"Heeeyy…" Whispering, I drew near to him and breathed over his lips. "I love you, Mail…" And I kissed those lips. He froze and gasped. I parted my lips as an invitation and stroke his hair. After this one-sided but still delicious kiss, I withdrew and studied his expression. "Mail?"

He sighed and lowered his head. "I love you," he said soflty. "I'm sorry… I just wanted to… have _that_ with you…"

I understood him. Embracing him, I buried my nose to his hair and kissed his ear. "He's gone, Mail…" I stopped. It wasn't a good time to tell him his brother was dead. "You're with me. We can do that later… Just make sure you're completely ready and I, too. I never… tasted that with _love_."

"Y-you…" He pushed me gently and looked at my direction. "Did that before?"

I couldn't lie. "I did."

His eyes filled with tears quickly and his relaxed expression turned into a sad one. He shook his head to the sides. "No… You didn't…"

I sighed and pulled him to my chest again. "I did. But I never loved someone or dated with anybody. Mail, that's why I didn't want to do that with you. I'm not ready for an emotion filled one. Loving you is a passion itself and with that lust I would loose control. I've always been rough…"

He punched my chest and buried his head more. "I want you to be only mine."

"I want you to be only mine, too." I caressed his back and giggled. "My jealous angel."

"I'm not jealous…" he murmured against my t-shirt. "No reason to be jealous. You love me."

"I love you…" I repeated. After a while his breaths slowed down and his body went limp.

"Heey! Don't sleep, you opportunist!" I shook him violently.

"You're rough!"

* * *

_-Have you ever loved someone before?_

_-No._

_-Then how do you know this is love?_

* * *

We hadn't done anything unusual for a few days. We slept, ate hundreds bars of chocolate, sat in front of the TV for hours. When I realized his interest for the movies, I found a way for him to understand what's going on.

"Mello?"

"Yeah?"

"What are they doing?" He pulled my T-shirt with excitement.

He was hearing the romantic music but he wasn't lucky enough to see the kiss scene. He was luckier.

I leaned forward and kissed him passionately yet kindly. He withdrew and laughed.

"You are so lucky, baby. People just watch them. You live them."

I was whispering the events and reactions. Sometimes, I was exaggerating and adding characters like dragons. We laughed and had fun all the time.

"Mail, go to bed if you're sleeping."

"I'm not sleeping."

"Oh… Sorry…"

"Mello. I'll inform you when I'll be sleeping from now on. Keeping them open is useless…"

"I know," I smiled and pulled him, wrapped my arms around him. I put my chin on his head. "But don't forget to open them sometimes so I can see those beauties."

I bought many DVDs for him following days. Then I realized special DVDs for blind people. I was happy to find something like that and I immediately bought all of them. But Matt's reaction to them disappointed me. He snuggled against my chest and pouted. "I want you to tell me…"

We watched many movies. I tried to avoid Dramas since Matt cried all night after _watching _Hachiko.

_"Mello… Is he still waiting?"_

_"He keeps waiting for him. He'll be always there for his return."_

_"But…" He sniffled, "H-he can't come back. He is... He is…"_

_"Don't cry, baby. Their love is immortal. How can someone feel bad about this?" _

His darkness hid my tears as I comforted him.

* * *

"Mello…"

I turned back and looked at Matt who was lying on the bed. "Yes, sweetheart?"

"Would you wait for me for years if I died?"

I closed the lights and lied near him.

"Why asking such a stupid question…" I muttered and kissed him.

"I'm sorry…" he apologized softly and smiled. "Mello, I love you…"

"I love you, too."

He sighed and cuddled me.

"I'm sleeping now."


End file.
